The Pitfall of Self-Realisation

No self-realisation?? I know, I know! Not super inspiring, but hear me out.

Do we need to self realize, or rather realize our selves?

As SoMe hits us hard with one inspiring quote and image after the other, this one-dimensional  communication channel can easily affirm your underlying negative core-beliefs (which is really not serving you), rather than doing what they intend to.

The conversation about self-realisation can even contribute to polarisation and elitist attitudes, creating more inner fragmentation than integration. And from humanistic psychology and Maslow, we know that the practice of self realization is beheld a certain sosioeconomic group, as basal needs must be covered before embarking on the surf of self realization. My argument as a psychologist is that when we are in times of emotional unease, and especially disease or disorder!, we need not far flying affirmations maintaining the gap between how we feel and how we so badly wish the world to be like (or feel like).

When you Google `self realization´, and Wikipedia lights up, you can read:

” Self-realisation is an expression used in Western psychology, philosophy, and spirituality; and in Indian religions. In the Western, psychological understanding it may be defined as the “fulfillment by oneself of the possibilities of one’s character or personality.” In the (South) Asian understanding, Self-realisation is liberating knowledge of the true Self.”

I definitely believe human kind needs to awaken on various level, however before embarking on the journey above, firstly, you need to know yourself, now. For example, knowing that you can lean into your own trust. That your wellbeing is something you have agency over, not something depending on external circumstanzes.

SoMe feeds bombards you with good advice, affirmation recepies, and imperatives of ‘look yourself in the mirror and choose who you’re gonna be today’. Arguably, these well-intended directions are not helpful. Folks preaching about reaching your highest potential, affirming you can do anything you want, become the best version of yourself, creates an entrapment of ought to, need to, coulda, shoulda, woulda and so forth. Research show that having to many alternatives, renders a paralyzed state. An affirmation might just as well confirm a discrepancy between where you are, and where you think you ought to be. An affirmation can actually imply that where you are now, is not good enough.

The ambiguous aim of self realization put you on a stretch board. Not present in this moment, but eagering towards an expected desire in the future, or whenever you have reached this or that goal. The mere imagination of self realization traps you, and hinder you in living as spaciously, content, and playful where you are right now. It beroves you the contentness of the life you ARE living. And might stretch you into exhaustion, or leaving you in burnout or somatizing syndrome finding yourself not fulfilling the criteria’s of whatever desirable affirmation you’ve put on your mood board. Don´t let all that glitters trick you into spiritual bypass. Get to know yourself first. All of you. Shadow sides and all.

This life is no bullshit, but there’s plenty bullshit out there to be caught up in. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Feel your feet on the ground. And be there for the people around you. And yourself. Don’t leave yourself hanging in a rope between where you are, and where you think you need to (ought to, shoulda, woulda) be.

Let’s change this conversation. From what isn’t here, to what actually is. Practicing gratitude is a proven factor to happiness. As you know, what you focus on expands. Or where it’s firing, it’s wiring. Rewire you’re neuroassociative memory, or story if you like, about who you are and who you need to be. To do that, no bypassing of the shadow sides, as this is the fundament you´re about to rise up from. You know, the image of the lotus blossoming out of the dirt… It´s a good one!

Nudge of Action

Realize yourself. Or discover yourself. Realize who you are, now. Ask yourself, what is holding you in its grip? What are grudges, sorrows, angers, and joys alive in you, right now? How do you embody these? How do you relate to them in your everyday, and let them guide your behavior, and thinking? What would you like to let go of? What would you like to grow? What is your current belief system?

What are aspects you appreciate, and enjoy in your life, and want to see more of?

What is here right now?


And with that my friends, I wish you a happy Tuesday <3



Ps. If you, or someone you know, are interested in more stuff like this, educational talks, and FREE masterclasses for emotional wealth, don´t forget to sign up to the Dakini Dharmahood to access exclusive content, and connect with your Dakini Dharmabuddies.